All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage: A Proven Strategy to Make Your Marriage Work, from a Leading Couples Therapist

• Publisher:   HarperCollins
• Number Of Pages:   272
• Publication Date:   2004-03
• ISBN-10 / ASIN:   0060509309
• ISBN-13 / EAN:   9780060509309

Why is it so difficult to remain married in the twenty-first century, and what can you do about it?

We all know that half of today's marriages end in divorce, but we tend to believe that our own marriages are safe. As psychiatrist John Jacobs explains in this fresh and impassioned book, marriages today are incredibly fragile, and unless a couple understands what is making contemporary marriage so vulnerable to dissolution, the marriage is at risk.

Part of the problem is that people refuse to see how social and historical forces have changed the very meaning of marriage, causing serious interpersonal unhappiness. Because of increased longevity, married people live together longer than at any time in history. There's been an erosion of the social and cultural forces that traditionally kept marriages together. Confusion over gender-role responsibilities, increased expectations of sexual satisfaction, and intense time pressures on couples to work and be successful all create marital stress.

And yet, most people don't acknowledge the problems in their marriage until it is too late. We tend to believe in the "lies of marriage" -- such concepts as soul mates, unconditional love, that children improve a relationship, that the sexual revolution has made marital sex more pleasurable, or that egalitarian marriage offers couples easy solutions -- and forget to engage in the constant hardwork required to keep our marriages alive.

Dr. Jacobs believes that most marriages have significant problems at some time, but until we recognize the new realities of marriage and develop the skills required to sustain a loving, intimate relationship, marriages are at risk.

Of course marriage is about love. But that's just the beginning.

Run - don't walk - and buy this book if you have any interest in a healthy love relationship. With real life examples, Dr. John Jacobs goes beyond the movie and media fairytale versions of marriage and love and dissects the reasons we connect and the fallacies we believe. Unless we change the way we think and act, the 50% divorce rate will only grow higher. There is hope, however, if we learn healthy ways to choose partners and healthy ways to love the ones we choose. He breaks through the many myths and offers hopeful solutions to common challenges that come up in modern life. To be read and read again...a must read.

This is an excellent book and it crashes the all-too-dominant notions of "give-up-itis" when various (and totally predictable in human existence) uncomfortable problems arise in a marriage.
However, the pathology-based thinking of North American psychs (and their dependence on their bible, the DSM IV) does more than sneak in all too much space on the topic of "change." Learning to be the best partner--learning to cope well with differences that are awkward for you is not accurately described as change--after, all, change is about identifying specifically your flaws and incorrect features and behaviors. (And since we all have plenty, how much fun is it going to be to prominently carry around a list of those imperfections---or review them in "therapy?")
Instead of the psychobabble that "change" has come to mean, improvement in life and relationships can come instead from pursuing greater maturity, greater social skills and understanding of the other gender, greater appreciation of the contributions of the other, and a better understanding of the best ways to influence others with grace and the best ways to accept influence readily, with grace.
The book is just a start, and more and better authors can be found at smartmarriages.com a coalition of authors, consumers, and providers who are all involved in the healthiest educational processes to learn the best marital structures and in practicing the best relationship skills.

"We live in a society that promotes so many powerful lies about marriage, so many misunderstandings, myths, and fairy tales that have become so deeply entrenched in our minds, that we are rarely able to approach marriage with reasonable expectations." ~ John W. Jacobs John W. Jacobs takes a very realistic view of marriage. As a couples therapist he provides advice for the contemporary marriage. He even goes so far as to declare that "marriage itself is under attack." This book uncovers some of the real reasons behind marital unhappiness and gives strategies to deal with major and minor problems. It may be shocking at first to hear the truth but John W. Jacobs claims your marriage will only survive if you make it a top priority. A third of "All You Need Is Love" is dedicated to improved communication skills like receptive listening. One chapter is dedicated to explaining why children may make a marriage unstable. As you read this book you may also come to understand why your own childhood is now affecting your marriage in a big way. The importance of sexual intimacy is briefly discussed, as are solutions to common complaints. Some of the most interesting and helpful points include information on how our culture has become such a big influence on our lives. With marital stress at an all-time high it is truly a challenge to stay married. By realizing that problems are inevitable you can take on the challenge of fighting for your marriage. ~The Rebecca Review

Straight forward advice, easily applicable steps to improve or SAVE your relationship from doom... though it isn't a pill, its a lot of hard work. I recommend the book and a good therapist to walk you through it.

My boyfriend and I recently started talking about marriage, and when he recommended I pick up this book - I did not like the title - I thought it was a very pessimistic view of marriage. I started reading the book, and realized that it was not pessimistic, but rather very objective and reinforced many of my own views on marriage. I have not finished reading it - I got sidetracked with a course I'm taking - but I think it's a great book for anyone in a serious relationship contemplating marriage. I even recommended it to a friend of mine.

password: gigle.ws

ifile.it download (Report broken link)

Bookmark All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage: A Proven Strategy to Make Your Marriage Work, from a Leading Couples Therapist

Hyperlink code: